Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
Dennis Miller

Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
Isaac Asimov

Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.
Isaac Bashevis Singer

Eskimo: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Eskimo: "Then why did you tell me?"
Annie Dillard

God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
Paul Valery

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
Douglas Adams

Human beings must be known to be loved; but Divine beings must be loved to be known.
Blaise Pascal

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
C. S. Lewis

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei

I don't believe in God but I'm very interested in her.
Arthur C. Clarke

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mohandas Gandhi

I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
Kahlil Gibran

I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.
Henry Ward Beecher

I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
Frederick Douglass

I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is.
Albert Camus

If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.
Robert Green Ingersoll

If I had been the Virgin Mary, I would have said "No."
Margaret Smith

If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.
Napoleon Bonaparte

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Lenny Bruce

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
Douglas Adams

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
H. L. Mencken

It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
Helen Keller

It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky. Behind me and before me is God and I have no fears.
Helen Keller

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
Bill Maher

Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.
Bill Gates

Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.
Gilbert K. Chesterton

Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God.
Albert Einstein

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
George Bernard Shaw

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
Robert A. Heinlein

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.
Soren Kierkegaard

Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.
Thomas Jefferson

Recounting of a life story, a mind thinking aloud leads one inevitably to the consideration of problems which are no longer psychological but spiritual.
Paul Tournier

Religion is essentially the art and the theory of the remaking of man. Man is not a finished creation.
Edmund Burke

Religion is the idol of the mob; it adores everything it does not understand.
Frederick II

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
Napoleon Bonaparte

The Bible is literature, not dogma.
George Santayana

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
Bill Maher

The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.
Friedrich Nietzsche

There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.
Dalai Lama

There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave.
Louis Kronenberger

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
Dalai Lama

We are punished by our sins, not for them.
Elbert Hubbard

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
Jonathan Swift

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
H. L. Mencken

When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out.
Frank Sinatra

When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
Desmond Tutu

Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.
John Morley

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!
George Bernard Shaw

You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
Anne Lamott

You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself.
Swami Vivekananda